An asshole in the morning

My Dad would often use a parable to make a point.  Lately I've been thinking of a particular one, and it's made me realize that The Old Man is still taking me to school, even though he's been gone more than 20 years.

The first time I heard this one, I'm pretty sure I was a moody teenager, and Dad was trying to get me to pay attention without simply barking orders.  He said that sometimes when you get up in the morning and head to work, sometimes you bump into an asshole.  You do the best you can, and at the end of the day hopefully you didn't let that one moment affect your whole day.  But sometimes you bump into an Asshole in the morning, and then you continue bumping into asshole after asshole all damn day.  At the end of THAT day, you have to be honest with yourself – were YOU the asshole that day

My fear is that I've been the asshole lately.  While I've had some legit shit going on – I need to be better about not letting external crap affect me.  If I let external crap create a habit of negativity and complaining  – that's a bigger issue.  After all, while we can't control events around us, we CAN control our reactions. 

Strange driving habits of Flatlanders

 Short Stopper – The person who stops one or more car lengths before a stop light, or behind the car in front of them.  Bonus points when you're endlessly stuck behind them because their car isn't on the sensor to trip the light.

Red Light Creeper – A version of the short stopper who constantly inches forward all during the red light

CIA Operative – Doesn't "actually" break any laws, but drives erratically enough to ensure no one could possibly follow or predict where they are going

Oblivious Soccer Mom – Typically a minivan (can also be a luxury SUV), tends to be all over the road as the Mom inside pays more attention to her offspring than those on the road around her.  Bonus points for the "Baby On Board" sticker 

Angry Tradesman – The "worker guy" trucks and vans who bully their way through traffic, clearly offended that the world is in their way

Directionally Impaired – The person who consistently realizes at the last minute that they need to cross three lanes of traffic to turn 

Self Centric Obliviot – The person who will block traffic as they attempt to merge, make a turn, or even a u-turn – because they are more important than everyone else around them.  The rest of us would rather go around the block, or take the next turn – but not this guy.

Turn Signal Zealot – The person who believes their rare use of a turn signal is SO special it grants them immediate authority to grant them right-of-way, rather than the commonly accepted "request" to turn or merge

Neighborhood Speeder – Clearly, they must be Doctors rushing to emergency surgery - cutting through small residential streets with abandon

End Of Lane Fist Shaker – The person who simply cannot believe their lanes ends (regardless of the big yellow "Lane Ends" sign), nor understand why the rest of the world isn't required to yield to their angry gestures.  I saw the sign, I made my decision early, and it's not my job to merge with YOU!

Watchful Motorcycle – the guy lane-splitting and weaving between cars at high speed who has a "Watch For Motorcycles" sticker.  Usually with no helmet or any protective gear whatsoever.  Bonus points to the guy with shorts & flip-flops.

Safety Sam / Cautious Carol – The overly slow driver, the pebble in the stream that everyone has to flow around – ironically causing much more chaos and confusion

Left Lane Camper – creates a rolling roadblock due to complete & total ignorance of "Drive Right, Pass Left", inevitable outrage & anger when called out 

Four Way Stop Cop – The person who waits at the 4 way stop to ensure you also stop – usually who will act outraged (or even yell!) when proceeding without interference because they inevitably believe the rule is "one at a time"

Speakerphone Reality – those who hold the phone in front of their face on speaker (a-la-reality shows), erroneously believing this meets the "hands-free" requirement because they aren't actually holding the phone up to their ear

Overly Solicitous Midwesterner – People who wait & wave you on – regardless of rules or whatever anyone else is doing, inevitably creating confusion & chaos