"Quick dry" was necessity number one, and I rapidly went down a rabbit hole of synthetic fabric. Name-brands & specific patents aside, basically you have two types - thin "swishy" nylon feeling fabric that dries very quick & looks great, or a thicker "woven" synthetic that looks & wears like cotton, but holds water like it depends on it.
My other major stumbling block was having a swim-trunk style liner. This is apparently impossible - surf style board shorts rarely have liners, and absolutely ZERO "hybrid" shorts have them. The only info I can find stares that the liners hold onto water, making them cold. So, apparently, all those surfer dudes are going commando!? Call me an old fashioned oldster, but I prefer to keep things supported & in place - and wearing underwear under the shorts while in the water os only going to hold WAY more chilly wetness - so command seems to be the only option left.
Sigh.
My other big stumbling block was the drawstring. 99% that have the drawstring have it proudly displayed right out front on the outside, swim trunk style. Nope. I want a short that actually looks like a nice pair of dress shorts, appropriate for a nice beach-side bar. The drawstring becomes mandatory when I hit the water, as my bodyfat "liquefies" with buoyancy in the water - and a simple button closure will NOT keep the shorts on. The shorts I'm going command in!
Lastly - various maddening features like velcro VS buttons VS zippers ... overly small VS overly large pockets, the ubiquitous cargo pocket conundrum, cost and durability.
Bottom line - I want to be able to throw on a polo shirt & head to the poolside bar while looking much more put together than the Dad in soggy cargo shorts with his graphic T who is dressed exactly like his toddler. Without sacrificing the in-water functionality.
So - here is my breakdown of the best four I found:
Tommy Bahama
Upsides:
These are the first ones I got, and the ones I have come back to several times. Overall a great looking hybrid short! These absolutely fit the bill for a great water-short - subtle (non-tactical looking) zippered cargo pocket keeps things like a hotel key card secure while body surfing. The ONLY short I found with an interior drawstring to keep those shorts ON while churning in the surf. Mothers of small beach-side children everywhere can rejoice! These shorts dry very quickly, and always look fantastic, very easy to wear in public while looking put together.
Downsides:
Swishy fabric! Ugh!!! We all hear these shorts from 20 yards away while some middle-aged dude (the only guys that can afford these) swish swish swish towards the bar. No thanks. They are also, by far, the most expensive ($100+), have (of course) no liner, and at 18 months they have wear-stains & are losing a seam.
Birdwell / Filson Collaboration
I was SO excited to get a pair of these, but as a limited edition collab, not "really" a contender. Horribly expensive. Somewhat swishy. 10 months old and losing a seam. BUT ... I absolutely adore both brands ... the cut is great, and I love the stretch, absolutely love the button fly. The big metal conch-straps are a great drawstring alternative, but oversized & too industrial. No back pockets os maddening.
Eddie Bauer
Upsides: cheap! These were $25-ish at the outlet mall. Nice cut. Good pocket config. No drawstring or liner. Not swishy, but hold water all damn day. Final veto - velcro rear-pocket closures. Ugh. I'm not a toddler.
Columbia
I got these "PFG" (Performance Fishing Gear) shorts at a surf shop in Florida for about $50. These are the "Grand Marlin Offshore" model. Subtle, zippered cargo pocket. Rear pockets have button closures. All pockets are sized generously (maybe too big?), and are mesh-lined. Best feature is the fabric - thin & dries quickly, yet somehow has just a bit of texture to reduce the swishy-factor. Generously cut, with a bit of stretch, they don't feel like the "skinny cut" so many otters have. No drawstring or liner - but the overall winner!
Honorable Mention
At CostCo I got ($15!!!) the BY FAR most cost-effective option. The brand is "Gerry" and I really like several features. Be careful - most of their shorts are scrunchy-expandable-waist front-tie classic athletic shorts. Yuck. These have a very nice classic cut & look, with a subtle cargo zipper pocket. No drawstring, but they have an upfront cinch strap that works WAY better than the Filson. One rear pocket zips, which is nice, and front pockets have edge gusset reinforcements that are VERY nice, especially at this price point. Only three downsides - thick non-swish fabric holds water like a camel. No liner, and the cargo pocket holds items on the back-side of the leg. I "get" they are preventing the toddler-esq overloaded look, but it's weird. Also - CostCo availability has a very narrow window, once they sell out, they're gone. Likely available elsewhere, but CostCo tends to have better prices with more features (as seen with the 32° micro-puffy vests & 2022's "Weatherproof Vintage" shorts, which nearly made the list)
So - there you have it. Three years of research. 5 of the best options from $15 to $100+. None that are perfect, although I will be leaning-in on the PFG shorts in future seasons.
