Search This Blog

Monday, March 16, 2015

Good News / Bad News

Well, they say you can't have the sweet without the sour. This was proven to me Friday morning when my heart went back into A-Fib.

I always knew I'd not have a totally smooth road all the way through my whole health & fitness recovery. I'd thought about what those potholes could be & how I'd not let them derail my progress, but I wasn't expecting THIS!!!

Stupid A-Fib.

It's not life threatening, and it's very manageable.

Yay...great...

:(

Two years ago I had knee surgery & A-Fib - and after spending 4 days in the cardiac wing, these were the root-cause of my motivation that has gotten me HERE, today, as I was not prepared at this (relatively) young stage of life to face being on prescriptions for the rest of my life.

(Yes, these help my heart, but they all have side effects & unknown downstream issues when one looks at 20 or 30 years on these drugs)

Never mind how they make me FEEL.

Ugh.

Thursday night I was feeling better than I'd felt in 20 years. Seriously. I felt physically strong, mentally clear, vibrant, and downright sprightly. I really cannot overstate how freakin GREAT I'd been feeling these last few weeks!

Aqua Fit was going very well, my 10,000 steps a day was rockin', and I'd added a daily routine of 6 bodyweight exercises that felt GREAT and were showing tremendous progress.

The weight was melting away...

What I forgot was that a key contributor to A-Fib is STRESS. I'd been majorly stressed for WEEKS about the mess at work, getting my vacation covered, and finding out I'd have to work nightly while on vacation. My upwards reporting chain seemed to not give a damn, and I had to figure it all out myself, and in the end I was able to mitigate the risk to Baxter, but I'd have to work nightly on vacation. I was PISSED, but I need to be the 'go-to-guy' so that this damn job will pick me up full time.

Big 'ole pile of Stress!

Then Thursday I got even more pissed when I (felt) I got ripped off at the car stereo shop. Maybe it was a musunderstanding and I should have asked more questions, but I was PISSED.

Angry. Stompy-stompy.

...and then via text conversation later Thursday night, with follow-up on Friday morning - I was insulted beyond belief by someone who should be my biggest advocate. "Insulted" isn't even remotely strong enough - I felt I'd taken a spear to the chest.

Which, literally, I did. While sitting there Friday morning & getting text confirmation that they weren't trying to be funny, they were 'totally serious', I felt my chest tighten & my heart began to run away...

...right into A-Fib...

I felt like freaking out & crying all at the same time. Within a few hours I'd spoken to my Cardiologist & was back on my awful old meds.

I'm constantly out of breath & sweating. Bounding up the stairs in my sprightly manner will now take me down at the knees when my breath can't catch up.

I'm so very, very upset...

I was doing SO well, and feeling SO great!

At this point I'm now wearing 2xl clothes, and no longer tied to the awful Big & Tall stores. (I'd hit 5x in 2013)

In the included pictures you can see me wearing a green coat this morning. I stole this from my Father in '96, and it's not fit this well since then.

I have a beautiful new bike I want to ride this Spring, but yesterday when I rode it the first time, it felt like I just couldn't get my lungs to keep up, but I know it's the damn A-Fib.

I'm just 11lbs away from my 'century' loss, and halfway point. I should be celebrating, but I'm terrified, pissed, angry, and upset.

...but I'm determined to keep eating correctly & walking my 10,000 steps each day. I just might be slower & more out of breath, but dammit, I'm not giving up...

No comments: