That time of year

A few times a year I put on my "Little Mary Sunshine" act & reaffirm out loud in front of all y'all about how fortunate I am.

I am, in all areas of my life, a lucky bastard.

I may occasionally bitch about things, but my complaints illustrate my privilege - my job may be overly demanding - but I'm working! My house may take a ton of time & effort - but I have a home! I hate going to the gym & eating right (ok, not 'right', but better than I used to!), but not too long ago it wasn't certain I'd still be around. These days, I certainly have better health, and a better life than I deserve!

Complaints are universal, and with creative language, I can enjoy the snarky fun. But it's easy - mentally lazy ... too easy to point out the pebble in shoe that distracts you from the great view.

I'm certainly never going to become insufferably positive, like some door-to-door evangelist, but I sincerly believe negativity & complaining can become a mental habit.

So ... it'll become one of my "Three for '23" ... three self-improvement 'resolutions' I'll be embracing next year.

What else should I think about? Heck, what are all y'all thinking about?

Each & every damn one of you inspires me, or has skills, or attitudes, or experiences I envy.

I figure, no matter what ANY of us want to accomplish, somebody here knows how or has some advice!

So .... FB friends & family ... love you all! Let's help each other become the better versions of ourselves we all know we can achieve. Me? I'll cut back a bit on the coffee, cussing, and complaining. I'm going to re-focus on my health, fitness, and being a better version of myself.

So, if you see me at the liquor store before Noon, looking slovenly with stains on my shirt, shouting at co-workers on speakerphone ... just know that I'm a 'work in progress' ;-)

Saying bad words

Ok, now I'm mad!

Everything with my "reasonable 80/20" plan is working pretty damn well - except my WEIGHT!

I'm up!

No, no, nope, nada, NOT acceptable.

I've got 2.5 weeks before our mini-vacation Columbus Day weekend in Marco Island ... and I need to "kick the tires & light the fires" between now & then.

Not 100% sure what I'll do, but a gross over-reaction with hilarious results is likely, so stay tuned!

Keto Cereal is now a thing?

As I sit on the deck with my coffee, I wanted to take a moment & update y'all

The Keto cereal with Fairlife milk has become my new obsession! 230cal, 20g Protien, and just 24g Carbs!!!

We've been encouraging the kiddos to each cook one dinner a week. "Life Skills", right? [Soon we'll add Laundry & Paying Bills 🙂 ] Sunday night we try to have "family dinner", and everyone brings two ideas - and we collectively decide. Groceries delivered via Instacart / Shipt / Thrive Market. Our two nights w/out kiddos we eat out (Mom needs a break somwhere w/ wine), and the 7th night is "leftover buffet". We aren't going for "healthy", figuring that no fast food / processed food is a HUGE step forward.

Activity ... could be better, but one good thing has been a mind-shift around getting our steps. Rather than stressing on finding an hour block to walk 3 or 4 miles - we just do a couple of 15 minute "around the block" walks. No stress, no huge time commitment, better results.

My weight? Ugh. I put on pants recently for the first time (weeks? Months?) and they were snug. Belt was snug. I know I'm 'up', but I just can't bear to see the number. I'm hoping this weekend I can do an extended Fast, go for a long sweaty pedal ride, maybe take a big poop & get a decent readout on the scale.

The decision I'm dragging my heels on ... getting back to the gym. I liked Crossfit, but it was expensive, class times very tough with this job, and it wasn't very close." Maybe a regular gym with a Bootcamp class? Maybe an online trainer? Anyone try the "Future" app? Also downloaded TRX app and a trail-finder, but as yet have not even opened any of them.

Onwards!

September always feels like a good opportunity for setting "back to school" goals. January is a crisp, clean re-start, but September feels like a perfect time to re-set. Summer is still in the air, and the crush of The Holidays feels deceptively far away...

So, I've been thinking about instituting the 80/20 rule in my life. It feels rationally realistic without going too deeply into crazy Crossfit-type workouts or super-strict Paleo. The 80% solution, 'reasonably applied' should be very livable.

Doing some back-of-the-napkin math ... three meals a day, or 21 per week, 80% is 16.8-ish meals per week - all the weekdays & almost two weekend meals? If I figure a snack a day ... 28/80=22.4 or 5.4 days worth of eating ...

Don't let 'perfect' be the enemy of 'good', right? Ok! Let's call it 'strict weekdays, with reasonable weekends'?

Here is my plan:

Weekdays I will 'move' & 'eat well' without angst over a percieved lack of perfection. I am currently exhausted, unwell, and angry - so I will need to 'fake it till I make it' and these things genuinely turn around on their own. I'm sick & tired of being ... sick & tired!!!

Movement is anything - steps, bike, weights, swim - just MOVE. No minimum requirement.

Eating is just 'no crap' - no processed, boxed food, no refined flour / sugar / artificial sweeteners / artificial dairy / etc. Each weekday I'll do my Fasting until I hit my blood glucose trigger, re-feeding with a low-glycemic 'whole food', protien-forward mindset.

Weekends are not a free for all - movement & good feeding are preferred, but "life" can happen without angst.

My weight has been steady (blue chart) within 10lbs for exactly a year. Havent LOST - dammit - but steady w/in 10lbs is it's own gift. My blood glucose has been pretty damn good as well. Hoping some focus gets these both even better with some good traction as we go into the Halloween to Valentines zone-of-sugar.

Updates to follow ...

80% September

80% September

An asshole in the morning

My Dad would often use a parable to make a point.  Lately I've been thinking of a particular one, and it's made me realize that The Old Man is still taking me to school, even though he's been gone more than 20 years.

The first time I heard this one, I'm pretty sure I was a moody teenager, and Dad was trying to get me to pay attention without simply barking orders.  He said that sometimes when you get up in the morning and head to work, sometimes you bump into an asshole.  You do the best you can, and at the end of the day hopefully you didn't let that one moment affect your whole day.  But sometimes you bump into an Asshole in the morning, and then you continue bumping into asshole after asshole all damn day.  At the end of THAT day, you have to be honest with yourself – were YOU the asshole that day

My fear is that I've been the asshole lately.  While I've had some legit shit going on – I need to be better about not letting external crap affect me.  If I let external crap create a habit of negativity and complaining  – that's a bigger issue.  After all, while we can't control events around us, we CAN control our reactions. 

Strange driving habits of Flatlanders

 Short Stopper – The person who stops one or more car lengths before a stop light, or behind the car in front of them.  Bonus points when you're endlessly stuck behind them because their car isn't on the sensor to trip the light.

Red Light Creeper – A version of the short stopper who constantly inches forward all during the red light

CIA Operative – Doesn't "actually" break any laws, but drives erratically enough to ensure no one could possibly follow or predict where they are going

Oblivious Soccer Mom – Typically a minivan (can also be a luxury SUV), tends to be all over the road as the Mom inside pays more attention to her offspring than those on the road around her.  Bonus points for the "Baby On Board" sticker 

Angry Tradesman – The "worker guy" trucks and vans who bully their way through traffic, clearly offended that the world is in their way

Directionally Impaired – The person who consistently realizes at the last minute that they need to cross three lanes of traffic to turn 

Self Centric Obliviot – The person who will block traffic as they attempt to merge, make a turn, or even a u-turn – because they are more important than everyone else around them.  The rest of us would rather go around the block, or take the next turn – but not this guy.

Turn Signal Zealot – The person who believes their rare use of a turn signal is SO special it grants them immediate authority to grant them right-of-way, rather than the commonly accepted "request" to turn or merge

Neighborhood Speeder – Clearly, they must be Doctors rushing to emergency surgery - cutting through small residential streets with abandon

End Of Lane Fist Shaker – The person who simply cannot believe their lanes ends (regardless of the big yellow "Lane Ends" sign), nor understand why the rest of the world isn't required to yield to their angry gestures.  I saw the sign, I made my decision early, and it's not my job to merge with YOU!

Watchful Motorcycle – the guy lane-splitting and weaving between cars at high speed who has a "Watch For Motorcycles" sticker.  Usually with no helmet or any protective gear whatsoever.  Bonus points to the guy with shorts & flip-flops.

Safety Sam / Cautious Carol – The overly slow driver, the pebble in the stream that everyone has to flow around – ironically causing much more chaos and confusion

Left Lane Camper – creates a rolling roadblock due to complete & total ignorance of "Drive Right, Pass Left", inevitable outrage & anger when called out 

Four Way Stop Cop – The person who waits at the 4 way stop to ensure you also stop – usually who will act outraged (or even yell!) when proceeding without interference because they inevitably believe the rule is "one at a time"

Speakerphone Reality – those who hold the phone in front of their face on speaker (a-la-reality shows), erroneously believing this meets the "hands-free" requirement because they aren't actually holding the phone up to their ear

Overly Solicitous Midwesterner – People who wait & wave you on – regardless of rules or whatever anyone else is doing, inevitably creating confusion & chaos

A very odd mix of emotions …

Tried on my Dad's old top coat for the first time in 30+ years … and damn … it fits! The shoulders might even be a touch big, but I also don't want it feeling "fitted". I seem to recall my Mom having the lining replaced for Dad in the late 80's, and thankfully they retained the original label. Bristol, Va makes sense, as it's the city where I was born, and my Dad was an ETSU / UVa guy. Tried it on tonight over a blazer, and gosh - I suppose you can say something about DNA - the cut & fit is damn near perfect for me. When I realized a button was missing, I thought to myself that if it'd happened to me, I'd have put the button in a pocket for safekeeping - exactly where I found it! My weight loss journey has been amazing, but tonight I was gobsmacked into silence, feeling a deep connection to my long departed Dad.

Damn …

Chasing The Flamingo

For those wondering if I'm "sticking to it" with this damn surfboard, the short answer is YES.

…but I gotta tell 'ya, this shit is HARD!

Developing a sense of balance, especially in a body that has recently lost 200+ lbs, my new geometry can be tough to figure out, and maybe it's just easier for kids and not-so-much for those of us (almost) in our mid-50's?

My routine is to attach the leash to the pool ladder (good tip Jason!), and practice paddling. Good shoulder workout, which I need, regardless. I start with 2 minutes of straight paddling, aiming for a certain point on the far wall of the pool (steering is hard). Then I practice dipping the board front/back & side/side and correcting as best I can. (Balance, you Fat Bastard!) Then I sit up on the board (which is a new center of gravity - ugh), and paddle / dip in each direction. I've gotten pretty good up to this point - regardless of the ab workout - but here - I lay down and try to knee/elbow plank … and … sploosh. Start routine again. 50 paddle strokes, dip/dip & side/side, sit & repeat, the plank & sploosh.

The pool robot is intent on attacking me, distracting me, and seems to enjoy inciting my rage. He's fired. Fred The Flamingo is seemingly intent on sneaking up behind me. Bastard. If he's not careful, he'll get deflated for the rest of the pool season. Clyde & Cyrus hear me cussing and they wisely keep their distance.

I do my 'routine' at least twice a week for 30 minutes. While I'm getting 'better', I've not really developed any noticeable proficiency yet. Sigh. Imagine if I had to load the board on The Jeep, drive to The Lake, put on a wetsuit, and practice in the waves? I'd give up for sure! Hopefully I can develop 'some' proficiency so I can have a small hope of actually catching a wave - which will make it all worthwhile!

…and just in case this all seems crazy & contrived, I was happy to see that 'real surf schools' teach things the same way. The only difference is how much I'm older, slower, stubborn & ugly.

Two Years of Radio Silence

Two years ago I was in a very bad place. A couple of decades of stress, mental anguish, and exhaustion had resulted in severe metabolic dysfunction. My cravings were out of control, and my weight hit it's record high at 475. This drove snoring & sleep apnea, resulting in A-Fib. I was on a ton of medication, felt terrible, and I was in constant pain. My heart went out of rhythm, and when they put me under anesthesia to shock me into "re-boot", it failed. The Cardiologist maxxed out the voltage & tried again with no success. He hooked up a second machine and double-shocked me, again with no positive result. While I was in recovery from the anesthesia & paddle burns, the Cardiologist told my wife I had simply gotten big enough that they couldn't put enough voltage through me to re-boot. I was too heavy & risky for surgery. If I stayed in A-Fib too long, it'd become permanent, and it put me on a direct path to "other cardiac events" that they would not be able to unwind. I had to do something dramatic, and immediate. In the car on the way home, with my head pounding from the anesthesia hangover, my wife railed at me in fear. Her bottom line: Handle it, or don't. But if the answer is "No", I had to sit the kids down & tell them why.

(Insert guilt-knife into heart!)

This all happened two years ago, yesterday. Needless to say, I handled it. I am now, literally, half the man I was. My heart has been in good sync for 20 months, 3 times longer than my previous best. My heart is 40% the size it used to be. I am now on only ONE daily medication! I am in ZERO daily pain, I sleep like a teenager, I no longer snore or have sleep apnea. I feel amazing, and I'm in SUCH a consistently good mood my wife finds it maddening!!!

So - what did the Cardiologist recommend? In November of 2019 I had Gastric Sleeve Surgery. I was terrified, and it was awful, and I felt like a failure - but it's how desperate I was. I had wrestled with my weight & health for two decades, and the fight had literally brought me to the brink.

The surgery saved my life. It has been a gift, and my only regret (now) is not doing it DECADES ago! But it was not a 'Silver Bullet', and it's been a learning journey to use it properly. It has still been an astonishingly long hard walk through hell, but it has given me the ability to have the hard work pay off in progress.

Part of what I've learned is that our modern processed food fools our brains. The chemicals in the food mimic what our bodies crave for actual nutrients, while other chemicals in the food reinforce those cravings. Some of us are more susceptible than others, but for me, it re-wired my brain & physically damaged my metabolism.

Where I'm at now, driving my continued success after my plateau in Jan - March is with two of Marty Kendall's programs. Data Driven Fasting was Step One - which is like Intermittent Fasting 2.0 - but instead of a randomly assigned window on the clock, you use your own body's 'gas gauge' to determine how long your daily Fast should be. If you ate carbs for last night's dinner, you might be waiting longer today as that burns off - no need to gas up if you still have fuel in the tank! This critically allows me to re-adjust my brain - no more do I accept the feelings of 'sugar crash' as 'hunger'! I wait until my blood glucose is genuinely getting down appropriately, and what THAT feels like is actually real "hunger". It's eye opening, I tell you! That Data Driven Fasting / Hunger Training got me back to losing weight & figuring out my 'new normal'.

Now I've gone Step Two - figuring out how / what / why to re-feed my unique body & metabolism once my Fast ends. We are all fascinatingly unique metabolic snowflakes, and as I go through the Nutritional Optimizer Master Class it's astonishing to see how I can look at my actual micronutrients to see where I'm deficient, and I can find ways to get those - AND KILL THE CRAVINGS at the source!

Yes, it's different. Total pain in the ass. LOTS of work…

…but dammit, I'm still here!

Sometimes, it’s not as bad as you think

So, I did great yesterday, up until dinner.

However, I was only over by 400 calories for the day, and at 180 net carbs.

Not great, but neither was it totally out of bounds!

Not Pictured: That Which Went Off The Rails...

Mostly, things were good. Until the cupcakes & chili dogs...

Leaning In

On a Monday night I didn't 'want' to mow the lawn or prep egg cups - but dammit I did!

Learning to Bounce

An epic two weeks of force-march at home came to fruition with the 11 year old's birthday. In typical fashion, this meant that there was little time, energy, bandwidth or patience for anything else. I'm now trying to 'right the ship', but it's so damn hard, trying to paddle upstream, all by myself, while everyone else in the house is still in the conga line. Ugh.

Back To Basics

Dinner last night was AWESOME. Scallops, lightly crusted with potato chips, bacon, in a lovely cream sauce with a Brussels sprout salad.

Totally off plan, no doubt! ...and the TWO cups of soup only compounded that!!!

It's the sort of meal that would be totally fine during 'maintenance mode' ... IF ... I'd not had a big hunk of burger 60 minutes prior, AND, I'd not had two lovely cups of cream based soup.

So, yes, I still need to solve my '4th meal problem'. I've been bitching about that for over 5 years, so it's time to find a way to leave that shit in the dust.

And the rest of it? I need to simply embrace my inner abstainer and go back to the plain old Whole 30 rules.

No grains
No added sugar
No dairy
No legumes
No preservative crap

Simple, whole food. Low-ish carb, with one 'big-assed' salad every day. Just 3 appropriately sized meals, with 2/3rds of the plate being covered in fruits & veggies. No snacking. No treats. No bullshit.

One foot in front of the other...

It's not always fun, pretty, or photogenic. Sometimes it's a real pain in the ass, and it's often the absolute LAST thing I want to do. Sometimes I'm hungry enough to not give a damn, but taking half a moment to stay on-plan pays off.

It sucks, but it works

A week in New York

Last week I was in New York for a work conference. I knew the company would be providing a lot of the food, and they had team outings planned for dinner. So, I gave myself a 'pass' for the week - not to go insane - but to simply allow me to enjoy NYC & not be 'that guy' in every meeting.

Being there for 9/11 was sobering.

The conference was good, and the team building gimmicks actually worked, and I now know my geographically diverse team much better!

While in NYC, of course I had to have some pizza. Maybe I even had pizza 3 or 4 times? It was GREAT! There was also a great BBQ place with some of the best hush puppies I've had in a decade...

In the end, at home on Sunday, I weighed-in, expecting a good bit of backtracking I'd need to overcome.

I lost half a pound....

I really like this, but ...

The advantage of eating stuff that's not only on-plan, but so yummy that I'd eat it anyway, is minimizing feelings of being deprived.

This is good.

The tough part is maintaining my discipline when directly faced with hyper palatable, highly processed junk food.

When I had my previous success with this plan, I lived on my own and I simply didn't allow any crap-food into my house. At work, I had a health-nut friend who supported / encouraged me.

These days?

Kid-food is (literally) everywhere in our kitchen. I cannot open the fridge, a cabinet, or even glance at a countertop without being faced with multiple highly desirable types of junk food.

How do I turn off the 'wanting'? How do I turn off my desires for these trigger foods?

I'm so frustrated, I don't even know where to turn...